So, Rimmel… and their “apocaliptic” hybrid gloss/lipstick. Available in eight shades of lip-smacking colour from vampy plum through to pale nude, has been setting the blogging world alight from day one. Except, I can’t for the life of me work out why.
First things first, they smell bad. I’m not the kind of blogger that harps on about scented products being the root of all evil, I couldn’t normally give a chuff about scented/flavoured products but these are so horribly synthetic, I find them almost offensive. Smell and taste are so closely linked, that if something smells bad… it often tastes bad too and I just don’t want this genetically-modified Jolly Rancher crap on my lips with it’s faux fruit salad gooeyness mere centimeters from my nostrils.
When it comes to application, the wand – complete with product dip/well – doesn’t work properly. There’s no real give to the sponge, the product contained within the well is staying there. For all eternity. It’s not coating your lips, you’re just double dipping it back into the container each time you use it. Give it up.
When I headed down to Boots, finally giving into the hype I was reading everywhere, I umm’ed and ahh’ed over the shades… in the end, I settled for Celestial, and the colour is indeed very, very, pretty. That neutral kind of pink that goes with everything… looking good on practically every skin-tone. But my love for the shade just cannot overcome. Let me tell you what else I hate about this product.
It feels heavy on the lips. Like tar. Like a new kind of tar that has been created from lead. Spread over my lips and left to bake in the sun. It’s 2013, lip products don’t feel like this anymore. I crave lightweight textures that deliver strong pigment without making me feel like my lips have been glued together with eye bogies. And because the product just kinda sits there… it travels. Within the hour, I experienced the kind of feathering you’d expect from a siren-red lipstick that had been applied with a trowel.
At least you’d think with that kind of “creamy” coverage, your lips would stay well-nourished underneath? No. I found the formula drying and unforgiving to my “not even very dry” lips. The product settled in the furrows and felt less and less comfortable with every passing minute.
And so, for its parting demonstration… did it stay on for long? No… it lasted no more than a couple of hours before wearing away without leaving even a hint of a stain to see me through the afternoon.
I have basically been violated by a lipstick. And that my friends, is a hugely disappointing sensation.