Roll up, roll up! Whose fanny needs a facial?

Posted by Lipglossiping On June - 28 - 2013

Who knew that I’d been wasting all this time worrying about how my face looks, spending hundreds upon hundreds of pounds in an effort to soften my skin, zap my zits, and plump up my wrinkles when really… I should have focused on what was happening down below.

Fanny facials.

No, don’t laugh… this is serious business.  THIS is why you’re not sleeping properly at night, you have been neglecting your foof in the most heinous of ways.

Roll up, roll up! Whose fanny needs a facial?

Except, don’t be walking into the Ministry of Waxing and asking for a fanny facial, that term is just between you and me… heaven knows, you wouldn’t half look silly.  No, what you need to be demanding for your va-jay-jay is a Brazilian Facial.  Much classier don’t you think?

I am reliably informed that should you wish to pamper your poon, this can also be done immediately after a hair-removal session… a wax and polish if you will.  Convenient.

So, what the heck happens during a Brazilian Facial?  Well, the procedure delivers a full cleanse, exfoliation, and massage to your most delicate area, which will help treat any ingrown hairs, acne problems, moisturise dehydrated skin, and brighten dullness.  Because, let’s face it… who doesn’t want a flashy flange?  (you KNOW I’m loving writing this don’t you).

“Honey! I spent all afternoon in the salon… do you notice anything different about me?”

A Brazilian Facial costs £50 and is available from the Ministry of Waxing, Floral Street, Covent Garden.  To learn more, log on to ministryofwaxing.com


17 Responses to “Roll up, roll up! Whose fanny needs a facial?”

  1. Can all women just get together and agree: No. (Possible exemptions if you make a living from said foof, but that’s it)

  2. Katie Lou says:

    This post has made my day! Although I don’t think I’ll be going for one :p hehe x

  3. Lily says:

    Or you could go to a backstreet ‘salon’ in Soho for a ‘massage’ – probably under £50 too! Maybe they should watch their wording…haha

  4. Sarah says:

    Omg, this is HILARIOUS!! As a beauty therapist, there is no amount of money that would make me carry out this treatment! I can’t stop laughing 😀

  5. NeenaJ says:

    So, in the States, “fanny” refers to your bum. That sounded weird enough but, when I got to V-J-J, it took on a whole new level of service that sounds like it could be legal prostitution! LOL!

    P.S. “pamper your poon” made my morning!

  6. Cara says:

    This has to be the most hilarious post i have read in a while, I almost choked on my cupcake. x

  7. Kirsty S says:

    FIFTY POUNDS?!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHGAAHJADGJHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

  8. Jasmine says:

    Oh, I dunno… Probably not for me but it’s conversation starter! (In the right company, of course!)

  9. Ruth says:

    So I do exfoliate my ‘panini’ at home to get rid of in growing hairs as i use a home laser removal system and I also moisturise it thoroughly. I was clearly ahead of my time!

  10. Sheona says:

    This had me nearly crying with laughter! So funny!

  11. beka says:

    i can’t imagine someone wanting to do this job! how could you go in and say “i want to apply for the hoo-ha cleaning position” hilarious. thanks for a good laugh.

    i can see getting the wax, definitely NOT the massage!

  12. Classy ladies don’t pay for a fufu massage. That’s what husbands are for. Also emptying the bins.

    Very funny post Charlotte. 😉

  13. sophie says:

    I dunno if it’s just because I’ve had a few glasses of wine or what, but I am laughing HYSTERICALLY at this. I lost it around the point of “wax and polish”. AMAZING.

  14. Linda says:

    Great another way to make women feel even more self conscious about how we look and fleece us of even more money, way to go big business.

  15. Jules says:

    My husband would lose his mind if I so much as suggested doing away with the foliage on the ladygarden! As for massage in that location, at least buy a gal a drink first.

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