CLOSED – Win it! The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection

Posted by Lipglossiping On January - 20 - 2014

I don’t know about you, but I woke up this morning with a distinct “Hello Monday morning, I’ve been expecting you…” kinda feeling.  Maybe it’s because today is officially the “bluest day of the year”… maybe it’s because I’m dragging my heels over doing the last bit of my tax return and you know… tick-tock.  Or maybe it’s just because I looked out of the window and saw a sheet of ice about an inch-thick covering the car just before the realisation that I forgot to buy de-icer this weekend.

Whatever the reason, I feel that it’s my mission in life (today, at least) to spread a little joy.

And what could be more joyful than the opportunity to win a brilliant brush set from The Body Shop?  Nothing!  You see, these brushes are a makeup bag staple for any ladies getting serious about makeup.  I cut my teeth on The Body Shop brushes… their softy-synthetic loveliness is gentle on the face and kind to the bunnies.  They’re well-cut, solidly constructed, hard-wearing, and give a beautifully-polished finish day after day.

Win it! The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection

Win it! The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection

Win it! The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection

To make buying a little easier, the UK brand has recently released a trio of Brush Collections (Essential, Expert, and Ultimate) which take the effort out of trying to decide which brushes to add to your arsenal and today, I’m giving away one set of The Expert Brush Collection.

The set includes:

Eyeshadow Brush
Lipstick & Concealer Brush
Blusher Brush
Foundation Brush
Face & Body Brush

Basically everything you’d need to create a full face of beautifully-applied makeup!  The set retails at £30 online, but is worth a staggering £58 were you to buy each brush individually!

To enter the competition and stand a chance at getting your hands on the brush set, simply leave a comment below, telling me a silly joke.  Go on, let’s have a bit of cheer among the misery of Blue Monday!

T&C
1. Start date for this competition is 20th January 2014
2. Closing date for this competition is 27th January 2014
3. Winners will receive 1x The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection (worth £30). No cash alternatives.
4. Competition is open worldwide.
5. Lipglossiping.com is the sole promoter of this competition.
6. Personal details will not be kept or forwarded and are only used in the context of this competition to inform the winner(s) of their prize status.
7. One winner will be selected at random from all entries received.
8. Winners will be notified within 5 working days and will be expected to reply to an email sent to the address used to enter the competition within 5 working days or risk forfeiting the prize.

218 Responses to “CLOSED – Win it! The Body Shop Expert Brush Collection”

  1. Rachel says:

    What do you call a fairy that hasn’t had a bath?

    Stinkerbell

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  2. Deeanne says:

    why did the orange stop at the top of the hill? because it ran out of juice.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  3. Kimberley says:

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? fssssssshhhhh :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  4. Jade says:

    What’s E.T. short for?

    Because he’s only got little legs…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  5. Emily says:

    I’m afraid mine is Christmas related, but it’s still my favourite!

    Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other, ‘can you smell carrots?’

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  6. Amelia Holly says:

    Why did the blond put lipstick on her forehead?

    She was trying to makeup her mind!

    Thought I would share a makeup related joke! Hope it cheers people up!

    ameliaholly.blogspot.co.uk

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  7. Carly jade says:

    I walked into my sisters room and tripped on her bra…it was a boobie trap.

    Haha, I’m easily amused!

    http://www.ceejayell.blogspot.co.uk

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  8. Lauren Madican says:

    What did the elephant say to the naked man?

    “How do you breathe through something so small?”

    Hehe, thought i’d go for something a little cheeky, hope you enjoy :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  9. iain says:

    Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?

    A. Spoiled milk.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  10. lynn mitchell says:

    Why did the blonde run with her bike?
    Because it was going too fast for her to get on.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  11. Ann Mckenna says:

    What did the policeman say to his stomach?

    You’re under a vest.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  12. Debbie parry says:

    What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror
    Halloumi

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  13. Emma says:

    What do you call a vegetarian snake?

    A Quorn snake

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  14. A James says:

    Q. How did the blonde die while drinking milk.

    A.The cow sat down.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  15. Sharon McGuinness says:

    Thought this would be appreciated.

    What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  16. verity says:

    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

    Dam!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  17. Helen Lloyd says:

    Two fish in a tank, one says to the other one…’do you know how to drive this thing or what?’

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  18. Heather Jenkinson says:

    I went to the doctor and asked me if he could give me anything for wind, he gave me a kite! :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  19. Susan Chafer says:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Peter
    Peter who?
    Peternight before you go to bed

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  20. Emma Walton says:

    What do you call a Dinosaur with one eye?…Doyouthinkhesawus!

    (My daughter’s response to this joke was, “Is it a Oneeyeddoyouthinkhe?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  21. Hannah Oneill says:

    A mushroom went to a party

    He was a fungi

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  22. Katie Evans says:

    My brother’s favourite:
    “What’s red and invisible?”
    “No tomatoes”

    I’m not really sure what it means, but it’s now funny by default to us :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  23. Lorraine Johnson says:

    My dad told me If I get an email telling me you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s spam

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  24. susan thomas says:

    Best said in a Birmingham or Dudley accent.

    What’s the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

    You can’t wash your dishes in a buffalo!

    Burum-tsch!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  25. DRTVrMoi says:

    What’s Irish and stays out all night?

    Patio Furniture

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  26. Dawn Canning says:

    What’s a chicken’s favourite type of bread?
    BAGUETTE!!!-Got to say it in a squaKwy-chicken styley otherwise it doesn’t work. I’ll get me coat….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  27. How do you fix a broken tuba?

    With a tuba glue

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  28. Audrey Kawaii says:

    How do you make milk shake?
    Give it a good scare!:))

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  29. Lauren Pilkington says:

    What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, he wont come anyway!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  30. Hannah Green says:

    A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
    He says to the bar man “Ill have a pint please, and a whiskey for Tiny here”, gesturing to his shoulder.
    The bar man asks “Why is he called Tiny?”
    The man replies “Because he’s my newt.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  31. Brigitte Leprince says:

    I could paint a nice picture of me with these!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  32. Lou says:

    Which cheese can you use to disguise a horse?

    Mascarpone!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  33. Christina Brown says:

    2 snowmen in a field one snowman says to the other “*sniff sniff* can you smell carrots?”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  34. Emma Nixon says:

    2 fish in a tank. One says to the other ‘how do you drive this thing?’

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  35. Ari says:

    What does a vegan zombie eat?

    …Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  36. Nicola Biven says:

    Why did the sand blush ?

    because the sea weed !!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  37. Carol Bell says:

    Inventor of the open-toed sandal?

    Phillipe Felope

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  38. Brittany says:

    Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says to the bartender “I’ll have a glass of H2O.” The second chemist says “I’ll just have water.” He turns to his companion and says “I know we’re scientists and all, but there’s no need to bring our work home with us and complicate things.” The first chemist curses under his breath, his assassination plot foiled.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  39. Sadie Godiva says:

    What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

    DUNG!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  40. Rosalind Sargent says:

    Why did the Chicken cross the Football Pitch?
    Because the referee whistled for a “fowl

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  41. sue masterson says:

    what do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole – hot cross bunny

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  42. Natasha Betham says:

    What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?

    Halloumi!!!!!

    This made me laugh for days once!!! X

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  43. Patrícia says:

    How do you drown a Hipster?
    In the mainstream

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  44. kelli flanagan says:

    Do you know the joke about the butter? – Well I’m not gonna tell you cause your’ll spread it

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  45. Lyn Bosomworth says:

    Did you hear about the man who was rushed into surgery this morning after six toy horses were found up his rear end?
    Doctors have described his condition as stable

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  46. Greig Spencer says:

    Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

    BECAUSE IT’S POINTLESS!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  47. Siri says:

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Hey, we have a drink named after you!’
    The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ‘You have a drink named Steve?’

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  48. Ane S says:

    How come beautiful women never lose a fight?
    Because they know how to make-up

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  49. Sian says:

    I have to share my favourite:
    What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?
    Sistermatic!

    And you can’t do one without the other-
    What do you call a nun in a blender?

    Twisted sister!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  50. Rebecca Richardson says:

    Why don’t you ever see a hippo hiding in a tree?

    …Because they’re really good at it! hahaha

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  51. lesley scott says:

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga??

    Poker face!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  52. Francesca Tuck says:

    Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  53. Jackie ONeill says:

    Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
    She was trying to make up her mind.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  54. Anna says:

    Aw man, I wish I had a funny joke. I do have this that I came up with once and laughed hysterically at my own joke, but my family didn’t think it was that funny:

    ‘Three Micks walk in to a bar, the bartender asks to speak to one, and one of the other Micks says “you’re taking the mick!”

    I think it was a you had to be there joke…. :(

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  55. Leah says:

    What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. Pure Christmas cracker crap joke!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  56. Jacqueline Fawcett says:

    Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
    Because she kept running away from the ball! :P

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  57. Janie says:

    A man is chatting to his friend in a bar telling him how he went home drunk again to his wife who chastised him for coming home with vomit all down his suit.
    So his friend has a fabulous idea. Next time you’ve been drinking put a tenner in your pocket and when you vomit all over yourself and your wife tells you off again you can tell her it wasn’t you and that if she puts her hand in your pocket she will produce a tenner that the bloke who vom’d on you gave you for the dry cleaning bill.
    So the next week the man goes out and once again vomits all down his jacket.
    His wife tells him this is the last time and she is throwing him out.
    Aha he says, but it wasn’t me- see if you just reach into my pocket there is a tenner from the man who vomited on me to pay for the dry cleaning bill. So his wife puts her hand in his pocket and pulls out not one but two tenners.
    There’s two tenners in here says the wife, how do you explain that then?
    Well, says the man one is from the man who vom’d on me, the other is from the one who shat in my pants!!

    Sorry it’s a bit crude, but it’s one of my favourites!! xxx

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  58. Michele Barker says:

    I just phoned Sea World to enquire about some tickets – they said my call may be recorded and used for training porpoises …

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  59. How do you make an egg roll? You push it!!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  60. maureen findley says:

    what did miley cyrus have for tea. twurky !

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  61. Susy says:

    I’m in the middle of exams, really can’t think of any jokes.. what a sad life ahah :P

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  62. Rebecca D says:

    What is a camp horse’s favourite food?
    Haaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  63. Victoria N says:

    What do you call a fat psychic?
    A four chin teller.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  64. Mary-Ann Pollard says:

    What do you call a bear with no teeth?

    A gummy bear.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  65. catherine says:

    Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

    “I’m sorry sir,” the first trooper told the driver, “but I am still going to have to write you a ticket.”

    Amazed, the driver asked for what.

    The trooper replied, “Tacks evasion.”

    hehe :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  66. Leanne V mckenna says:

    What is a cows favourite love song?
    “When I fall in love, it will be for heifer”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  67. Julianne says:

    Which cheese would you use to hide a small horse?

    Mascarpone!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  68. julie laing says:

    Q.How do you catch a squirrel?
    A. Climb into a tree and act like a nut.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  69. Eleanor says:

    A man walks into a bar….OW!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  70. Angie Hoggett says:

    Why don’t chickens wear underwear?

    Because their peckers are on their faces!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  71. Teresa Lee says:

    How do you make a polo mint laugh?

    Tickle its hole.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  72. Sarahann Tonner says:

    Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?

    They kept dropping their trunks!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  73. tina Hewitt says:

    What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head…Sister matic

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  74. Janet T says:

    How much does a hipster weigh?
    An insta-gram!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  75. Champ says:

    Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.

    They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and
    family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
    about you?

    The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was the
    greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

    The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
    husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our
    children of tomorrow.”

    The last guy replies,
    “I would like to hear them say… LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!!!”

    PS. read from a website and I find it truly hilarious!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  76. sam schofield says:

    what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes ????
    do you think he saurus

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  77. Aysun says:

    I love chemistry jokes, they always crack me up because I’m a little nerdy like that >.< So here's one for you:

    Helium walks into a bar,
    The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
    Helium doesn't react.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  78. Leya says:

    A blonde’s car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car.

    The blonde says, “They’re my emergency flashers.”

    tee-hee.. sorry, this was my joke of the day and I loved it! I’ve nothing against blondes btw. :P

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  79. Jill says:

    What do you call a woman with one leg?

    Eileen

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  80. Johannah says:

    Heisenberg was driving down the highway, when he was pulled over by a policeman.
    PM: Do you have any idea of how fast you were going?
    HB: No, but I know exactly where I am.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  81. Natasha says:

    What did one egg say to the other?
    Let’s get cracking

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  82. Laura Symons says:

    I popped to the corner shop and bought four corners.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  83. Keshia Esgate says:

    A man didnt like his haircut..but it started to grow on him.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  84. Victoria Carr says:

    Why did the baker have smelly hands?

    He kneaded a poo!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  85. hazel says:

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  86. Anna-Marie Donnelly says:

    ”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  87. alisha barrett says:

    why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

    she was trying to makeup her mind

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  88. Lois says:

    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

    xx

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  89. What’s brown and sticky?

    A Stick :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  90. ClairejB says:

    Q. How do we know that the Earth won’t come to an end?
    A. Because it’s round! :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  91. Michelle Ptak says:

    What’s the definition of mixed emotions? — When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  92. Kate Bevan says:

    Here are two similar jokes, which I love!

    Two fish in a tank, one says to the other: “How do you drive this thing?”

    Two birds on a perch, one says to the other: “Can you smell fish?”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  93. Charlotte Ingham says:

    Why did the ant fall off the toilet?
    He was pissed off!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  94. Helen Allan says:

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A fsh..

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  95. Bambi says:

    what’s brown and sticky all over?

    ..

    …a stick.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  96. Gemma Rice says:

    Went to a zoo there the other day, was only one dog at it.
    It was a Shitzoo

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  97. katrina walsh says:

    which flower suits lipstick the most?

    Two-lips x

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  98. Nicola says:

    What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  99. Leah says:

    Where did Hitler keep his Armies?

    Up his sleevies!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  100. Colleen Boudreau says:

    What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummie bear!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  101. izzy says:

    what do you call a donkey with 3 legs? a wonkey

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  102. RUTH GROVER says:

    Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
    A: Her nose!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  103. Izabella says:

    What kind of horses go out after dusk?
    Nightmares!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  104. Rachel says:

    what did the lawyer name his daughter?

    …sue

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  105. Rebecca Murphy says:

    Woman goes into a bar and orders a double entendre.

    The barman gives her one!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  106. Audrey Rosenbaum says:

    Q Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
    A So she could make up her mind!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  107. Tina says:

    A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

    “Great,” says the frog, “Will I meet her at a party?”

    “No,” said the psychic, “Next year – in biology class.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  108. lyn burgess says:

    This was the first joke I can ever remember, didn’t get it at first, well I was very young at the time.

    What’s black and white, and red all over? – an old newspaper!

    Sorry.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  109. Katherine says:

    What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyonce!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  110. Mickie Bull says:

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A fsh

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  111. Sophie says:

    A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says: ‘You gotta leave. We don’t serve food here.’

    :-)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  112. Clint Howat says:

    what do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole – hot cross bunny.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  113. Sue Harrison says:

    A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

    On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

    One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

    The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  114. Sarah Smith says:

    What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  115. Kaylie Goldup says:

    Someone should open up a restaurant called “I don’t care”. Then we can finally go to that restaurant my girlfriend is always talking about.

    This one liner always makes me laugh because I know my boyfriend would say that this describes me perfectly!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  116. Rennene Hartland says:

    This always makes me chuckle

    What do you call a donkey with 1 leg?

    A Wonkey!

    What do you call a donkey with 1 leg and 1 eye?

    A Winkey Wonkey!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  117. helen newton says:

    A man goes into a pub with some tarmac under his arm the barmaid asks “what can I get you” the man replies “A whiskey and coke and one for the road”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  118. Jane says:

    How do you make a band stand?
    Take away their chairs

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  119. Rachel W says:

    What did the man say when he walked into the bar?

    Ouch!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  120. Jenny says:

    Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man! :P

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  121. Natalia S says:

    What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
    Dam!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  122. Jas Serrano says:

    TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
    CLYDE: No, teacher, it’s the same dog.

    :D

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  123. Joanna Smith says:

    Why do mice have such small balls?

    Because so few can dance.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  124. clare d says:

    if you are american when you go into the toilet and american when you come out what are you when you are in the toilet?

    Europeeeeeeeinnnnnn! ha!
    sorry bit of TOILET humour there! ha thats my sons favourite joke! :) x

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  125. christy beckett says:

    How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
    Pokemon!!! (Poke him on)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  126. D Brown says:

    Why did the man dress up as a mushroom to amuse his friends?
    Because he was a Fun guy.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  127. Elizabeth Gurney says:

    This was the first cracker joke that made me laugh on Christmas day last year, and I haven’t forgotten it. No one else laughed…

    “How do monkeys cook bread? They put it under the Gorilla!”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  128. YOLANDA DAVIS says:

    what would you do if you found a spaceman?
    park in it man!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  129. Kelly Hooper says:

    Where do fish keep their money? in a river bank

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  130. Leigh says:

    Why did the toilet roll go downstairs?

    To get to the bottom :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  131. Alison Joyce says:

    Q: What did the papa tomato say to the baby tomato?
    A: “Hurry and ketchup!”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  132. Nicola Reynolds says:

    How do you make Lady GaGa cry?

    Poker-face!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  133. Diana says:

    Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired. :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  134. Victoria Morrison says:

    What do you call a man with a plant pot on his head? Doug

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  135. Hayley Todd says:

    Why did the banana go to the doctors?

    He wasn’t peeling well :-)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  136. Sammie Martin says:

    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  137. June Gaynor says:

    Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

    ….She was trying to make up her mind.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  138. sarah palmer says:

    what did the postman say to the little girl??

    Hello

    (my sons first ever joke)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  139. Donna Davies says:

    What do you call a fly without wings?

    A walk!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  140. Louise Mcnicol says:

    Why did the skeleton cross the road?

    To go to the Body Shop!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  141. Lindy Hine says:

    I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  142. Janine Atkin says:

    im rubbish at jokes! and im rubbish at make up. my friend does mine if we go out so she can have these if i win so she can continue to do a good job!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  143. kirsty cooper says:

    what do you call a 3 legged donkey?
    A WONKEY!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  144. Joanne Welsh says:

    What city cheats at exams?
    Peking!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  145. san says:

    why did the cow cross the road?
    To get to the moo-vies

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  146. Jenny Cole says:

    Probably the daftest joke I’ve heard, but it stil makes me chuckle!

    What’s brown and sticky?

    A stick!

    Jenny xx

    ramblingsofajaffacat.blogspot.co.uk

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  147. Emily Knight says:

    What’s the best way to ensure that you remember your wife’s birthday?

    Forget it once!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  148. Jamie says:

    The only thing i can think of is; what do you call a donkey with three legs?

    Wonkey :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  149. Lisa Ellison says:

    Why did the banana go to the doctors ?

    Because he wasn’t peeling well.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  150. Rachel B says:

    How do you stop a man from biting his nails?
    Make him wear shoes!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  151. Lorna Peppiatt says:

    Why did the picture go to Jail? Because it was framed!

    Mmmm not my best effort!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  152. Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

    A: The lid said, “Twist to open.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  153. Lani Nash says:

    What did one shark say to the other whilst eating a clownfish?

    “This tastes funny.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  154. Claire Willmer says:

    Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
    A: Because he had no body to go with :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  155. Kirsty N says:

    What do Mexicans put under their carpet? Underlay! Underlay!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  156. Katherine Coldicott says:

    A guy walks into a psychiatrist office naked and wrapped in cellophane. The psychiatrist says to him: “Well, I can clearly see your nuts”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  157. Alison says:

    Why have elephants got big ears??
    Coz noddy wont pay the ransom.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  158. Sue Warr says:

    Q:What do you call a three legged Donkey?? A: A Wonkey!!!!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  159. Ann MacLean Fleming says:

    What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud…courtesy of our 8 year old!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  160. Natalie Crossan says:

    Why did everyone want to go to the party with the mushroom?
    Cus he was a fungi….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  161. Debbie Timms says:

    Why did the bald man stick his head out of the window?

    To get some fresh hair!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  162. cheryl lovell says:

    why did the chicken cross the road…to get to the other side (how old?!)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  163. Claire Butler says:

    I was going to tell a dairy joke, but it was too cheesy.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  164. leanne williams says:

    Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other, ‘can you smell carrots?’

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  165. Victoria Peake says:

    Q. What do u call cheese that’s not yours?
    A. NACHO CHEESE!!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  166. Heather Simpson says:

    2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says…

    “do you know how to drive this thing”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  167. Megan Davies says:

    Why don’t blind people go skydiving?

    Because it scares the bejesus out of the dogs!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  168. Samantha Atherton says:

    what do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

    do-you-think-he-saw-us.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  169. Nicola P says:

    Why do people become bakers?

    Because they knead the dough!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  170. Victoria Cunniff says:

    What do you call a funny chicken?

    A Comedi-Hen!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  171. Ruth Hedges says:

    What is the fruitiest lesson?
    History, because it’s full of dates!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  172. Solange says:

    I was at the cash machine yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  173. Naomi Buchan says:

    What’s Blue and smells like Green paint? Blue Paint!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  174. Sarah Parker says:

    the man walked into the bar and said ouch :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  175. Jane Middleton says:

    Love this Tim Vine’s joke: I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  176. Sheri Darby says:

    Why is 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 ate 9

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  177. chirag Patel says:

    What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
    It gets toad away.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  178. Emily says:

    what did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the inflatable child? You haven’t just let me down, you have let yourself down and you have let the school down.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  179. sarah fleck says:

    whats long and purple?

    A cucumber holding its breath.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  180. Penny Hannibal says:

    “Did you hear the joke about the Wok that was murdered,
    It’s not to everyone’s taste
    It’s rather deadpan!”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  181. stephanie campbell says:

    What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  182. nicole says:

    What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino? helephino! :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  183. Jennifer Rhymer says:

    “Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a letter, have you got anything you can give me”

    “Hmmm, I’m not sure right now, but I’ll keep you posted” :) :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  184. Danika Grace Lloyd says:

    What is a physicist’s favourite food? Fission chips.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  185. sairz eastham says:

    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    … it was the chicken’s day off

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  186. Lydia Houghton says:

    A man walks into a bar.
    ‘Ouch!’
    It was an iron bar.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  187. angie jones says:

    How does the man in the moon, cut his hair???? Eclipse it

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  188. Sam Furniss says:

    What’s blue and has feathers?

    A chicken holding its breath.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  189. […] Lipglossing has an international giveaway that’s ending on 1/27 to win some Body Shop Cosmetic Brushes…. hurry over there […]

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  190. Irina G. says:

    Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.
    Waiter- Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.:))

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  191. MIchelle Castagne says:

    What did the traffic light say to the car?
    Don’t look I’m changing.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  192. Stephanie says:

    How do you catch a unique rabbit? You neek up on it!
    How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  193. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
    ~Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  194. nicola barter says:

    what flies and wobbles ?

    A jellycopter :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  195. Jo C says:

    An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, “I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?”

    Her husband whispers back, “Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid!”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  196. Christine Constable says:

    What dog can jump higher than a building?

    Any dog, buildings can’t jump!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  197. Kelly Ellen Hirst says:

    I just had to sack my cleaner, Carl, for breaking my washing Machine but thankfully it’s ok now he’s gone. Washing machines live longer with Carl Gone!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  198. Kevin Minihane says:

    How do you confuse a builder?

    Line up 3 spades and tell him to take his pick

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  199. Kathryn Casbolt says:

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  200. Keith H says:

    Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
    A: She was trying to make up her mind.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  201. Kelly Horsley says:

    What’ green and hairy and goes up and down?

    A Gooseberry in a lift!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  202. Sam says:

    What’s orange and sounds like parrot….

    A carrot!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  203. Anthea Holloway says:

    I am reading a book about superglue – I just cannot put it down!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  204. Carla says:

    An illustrator was found dead on his apartment by the police.

    The details of the crime scene were sketchy.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  205. Cally Martin says:

    Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?

    Because he was a little shellfish.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  206. madeline connolly says:

    HOW DO YOU MAKE HOLLY WATER BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  207. laura says:

    what is the only owl you will find in a kitchen ?????

    A tea- towl (tea towel!!)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  208. fiona says:

    Last night in my hotel i couldnt get near the fire cause of the local grandmasters talking about their latest game – I hate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  209. Stephanie Hartman says:

    Q. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

    A. “Where’s pop corn?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  210. alisa moore says:

    What do you call a man attacked by a lion?

    Claude

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  211. Erica Price says:

    Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  212. rijaH says:

    What did the scarf say to the hat?

    You go on a head and i’ll hang around here.

    :D

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  213. Emma Codd says:

    Why are pirates called pirates?
    Because they arrrrrrr

    *groan :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  214. Amanda Davies says:

    Bloke walks into a bar and sees Van Gogh sitting on his own, “Fancy a pint Vince?”
    “No, I’ve got one ‘ere. ”
    @flintaxe :-)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  215. Lucy Essex says:

    Whats brown and sticky?

    A stick

    lolxx

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  216. Kristi C. (@lov2read68) says:

    Q: Why are all the frogs around here dead?
    A: ‘Cause they keep croakin’!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  217. Zoe Batchelor says:

    Why did the beach blush?
    Because the sea weed!

    (always liked that one as a kid)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  218. Helen Garner says:

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

    A stick

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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