I don’t claim to be a fake tan expert. Infact, I’m the opposite. I’m your bonafide fake tan dunce. I’m so pale that in certain light my skin takes on that blue/grey fishbelly tinge… blue/grey… fishbelly. Sexy.
Bronzed is something I’ll never achieve naturally. I went to Australia for 9 months and friends still dine out on the fact that I returned paler. I have been endlessly fascinated by fake tan solutions, but infinitely frightened of waking up the next morning looking like a bad parody of a Ganguro girl.
Fears aside, my interest was piqued when I saw a press release for Fake Bake’s new Platinum Facial Self Tanner. It describes itself as the next generation of self-tan. “Why?” I hear you cry… (yes, I do!) …because my dear readers, it contains pioneering Apple Stem Cell Technology.
“What’s Apple Stem Cell Technology?” I hear you ask, mouth’s wide open in anticipation… (shut up, you’re practically on the edge of your seats innit). Dunno… hands up if you know what Apple Stem Cell Technology is? I take it we’re talking Granny Smith’s finest and not Steve Jobs right?
Oh no wait… *reads press release*… ok… check this:
Not just ANY Swiss apple. RARE Swiss apple. They only fall from trees on a Tuesday in a month beginning with the letter J and only if it’s a full moon. Of course, I jest… I’m really none the wiser though. But it sounds good, and I think I might want some regardless.
Just think though, how mega young would we look if we actually ATE this RARE Swiss apple instead of fake tanning with it? Maybe that’s Demi’s secret? The apples are only rare ‘cos that greedy bitch is having them shipped by the container load direct to her breakfast table.
Wanna know how to get your hands on this RARE Swiss apple goodness, and get bronzed and gorgeous while you’re at it?
Fake Bake Platinum Face Self-Tan is launching into Salons and retailers nationwide this month priced at £29.95.
Maybe if we all ate rare Swiss apples we’d turn into Benjamin Button and start ageing backwards, until we’re eventually a fetus 😀
I don’t get it – why is the rare apple making it so much better? I feel so confused…
I do like Fake Bake though, so maybe I’ll try it – I’m such an easy sale.
I’m with you on this one–I never use tanning products…or else I can count the number of times on one hand. I don’t totally get the appeal, and I’ve spent AGES in the s.pacific, to return to the cold weather, not be a shade darker. Although the flip side is..if I’m to stand outside in the sun for even a minute, you’ll find a purse, backpack or tanktop tan line.
I will say though–the packaging on this one, and the rare swiss apple thing makes me a bit intrigued… leave it to you to find it 🙂
Yeah i don’t spend much time with fake tan stuff- i have a bottle of St Tropez that i used once nearly 5 years ago, daren’t use it now cos it’s probably gone manky, yet i’m loathe to chuck it out as it’s only half empty! I sometimes use gradual tanners, but even that’s a bit of an effort cos they streak sometimes, and despite what anyone says, i can STILL smell the fake tan-ny smell!
Yes, I agree with the fake-tan scent! You can always smell it–sooner or more often times, later.
Let us know if you used this and how it worked–unless I missed that post.
I haven’t used it! I’m not allowed to fake tan whilst having laser hair removal x