For Leila

Posted by Lipglossiping On September - 12 - 2009

I don’t own a normal diary, so please indulge me this post that I wanted to record someplace, somewhere for posterity.

You are 4 months and 1 week old today. 

I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown since I first found out I was expecting you.  9 months (+ 2 weeks, you lazy little bugger) of anticipation, excitement, fear and expectation culminating in one very early morning dose of pain that (at the time) I was sure I wouldn’t be able to survive.

For what?

For 3 weeks of disbelief, an adrenalin rush that will never be rivalled contradicted by falling asleep whilst eating my dinner.  3 weeks spent mapping each eyelash, every skin crinkle and being astonished by how perfectly we’d managed to make you.

For 5 weeks thinking “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”… 5 weeks of feeling like we were battling with you every step of the way, amazing ourselves with limitless patience we never knew we were capable of.  You seemed such a sad little girl, lost and homesick… perhaps you were.  We couldn’t comfort you, couldn’t make you happy and on top of that, I lost the ability to feed you and couldn’t get it back.

Then one day, the sun shone.  It shone until it blinded us and made the tears prick our senses.

You are a strong little thing, always trying to achieve feats that your tiny body won’t allow you to do.  You’re always listening, always watching, always learning… looking for the next person to charm with your infectious dimples.  You reach for anything and everything… straight in the mouth as if you’re going to taste your way to adulthood.  You talk to us, cooing and grumbling “ehgoowa” ’till we agree with your point of view.  Sometimes, we catch each other looking at you… soaking up the ‘pig in poo’ feelings that you instill in us.  We look at one another and smugly bask in that shared experience, silently congratulating each other on a job well done.

You don’t laugh too much, despite our best efforts (we’ve come to the conclusion that we’re just not that funny).  Instead, you are a smiling machine.  Your (slightly crooked) grin lights up the room, everything goes a little bit soft around the edges and the only thing we can see is you.  You make little piggy sounds that make us laugh (especially if you do them when you’re trying to be cross with us).  When you grizzle in the car, Daddy repeatedly puts his palm to your open mouth so that your complaints turn into Indian “wah wahs” instead.  We promise to take them more seriously when you get older.  You love to hear me sing (you’re the only one who does) and your favourite smile-inducing ditty is “Black Hills of Dakota“, so you’re already a Doris Day fan (yay!) and  just as uncool as Mummy (double yay!)

You drool like a St. Bernard, and sometimes… just when it’s got so long that gravity is sure to overcome… you suck it back up and make Daddy and me feel a little bit sick.  Then you blow a huge spit bubble just ‘cos you can.  You would walk if you could, you’d walk a marathon… we fear that you may leave home when you are 6 just so that you can have an adventure.  We can’t decide if your hair is red or blonde… we try not to hope too hard for red.  When Mummy holds you, Daddy says that we become the same person.  He says that because our complexions are identical, we merge into one.  I hoped that you might be a little more tan like Daddy… but no, you’ll be sharing my SPF before I can say “factor 50”.

We hope you will have Daddy’s temperament and gentleness, Mummy’s openness and loyalty and get some confidence from someplace else.  Don’t ever stop lighting up rooms.


We love you Leily-Bum, our joyful little girl.  Happy 17 weeks old.

30 Responses to “For Leila”

  1. Aww she is absolutely gorgeous!!!! Such beautiful eyes :]

  2. VexInTheCity says:

    Awwww what a lovely post! That’s making me wanna go “breed” like NOW!! xxx

    I love your blog Charlotte!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Awwww. That’s all I can say.


  4. Daisy says:

    Awww- this post is lovely! What a gorgeous baby you have!xx

  5. aquaheart says:

    awww so sweet she is! My baby is named laila too just spelled different :)

  6. Lu says:

    Eeeeee she is such a cute baby! Big blue eyes! xXx

  7. tali says:

    GORGEOUS! Look at those big eyes!!! :)) And wow.. it must be so strange to see her grow so fast.. but congrats because she really is a cutie!

  8. Goodness me *swallows hard* .. This post brought such a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.. (Big softie or what?) ..

    Seriously, that was so lovely to read and she really is so so so beautiful. I hope that one day when she’s grown up she can read that and know how much her mummy and daddy love her, It’s lovely.

    .. Now, where are those tissues (I am an over-emotional fool!)


  9. Such a lovely, well written post! Brought a tear to my eye!

    She is such a sweetie-pie! You are obviously so proud, and quite rightly so!


  10. GraceLondon says:

    She’s beautiful. The time goes far too fast – enjoy every moment. x

  11. Sarah says:

    What a beautiful post. Made me get a shiver up my spine. I can’t imagine the feeling of having a child… but you gave me a hint of it with this. You’re a really powerful writer.

  12. lipgloss86 says:

    this actually bought tears to my eyes!! such a lovely post! xxxxxxx

  13. Jo says:

    Aw, she is gorgeous!! You are making me broody now though lol!
    This was a beautifully written and heartwarming post!

  14. MissDollyGal says:

    Awww this is the sweetest post i’ve ever read! Bless her, she’s SO adorable.
    and you say grizzle! Graham’s known as Griz by his family because he liked a grizzle when he was younger!

  15. Avril says:

    You have just brought tears to my eyes! Your daughter is beautiful and you have captured so well all the feelings you have as a parent! My son is 16 months old now and I still can’t believe how fast the time is going and I’m desperately trying to savour every moment! Time is so precious! Thank you for reminding me of that x

  16. DeborahJones says:

    you just about made me cry. beautiful post!

  17. mizzworthy says:

    What a beautiful post – Love it x

  18. Aww, you guys…

    Thank you. xx

  19. Janaka says:

    Simply beautiful x

  20. Thank you so much Janaka xx

  21. Redtiger21 says:

    Oh bless her, she’s so lovely! What a nice blog to read, too xx

  22. Lady Gray says:

    I just found this. It’s beautiful and it makes me wish I’d done the same for my kids.

    PS, I’m a Charlotte.

  23. Jo says:

    I know you wrote this ages ago, but I just came across it and yep…now blubbing :/

    My little girl Sophia is 2 years old now, but I can still remember those first couple of months with crystal clarity!

    I envy your ability to capture emotions with words!


  24. LeanneOCD says:

    Awww I just found this at the bottom of another post (namely the I’m not a waitress dupe! Weird!) and its made me cry. What a lovely thing to do for her. So thoughtful. She’s a little cutie too x

  25. Leone says:

    Oh, I hadn’t seen this post before. Leila is a real little gem! Been a long time since mine were so little. Blessings!

  26. Me says:

    Ah bless you both. What a lovely baby, and what a lovely mum! Big lump in my throat but a big smile on my face too.

  27. Lynne Thomas says:

    Beautiful. Both of you x

  28. Vicky says:

    Tell me you did bite those chubby cheeks! I totally would have *yum* 😉
    She has always been so, so beautiful!

  29. Sydney says:

    Just stumbled upon this post.

    This is truly beautiful. And I hope she gets to enjoy it one day too, and see how much she is was loved from day one.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  30. […] Previous “Birthday” Letters: Four, Three, Two, Four Months […]

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